Heard about all the controversy, but never really learned how to read? We have you covered. Herein lay the Beerasana Notes™ for Mr. Broad’s broadside. To summarize, yoga is dangerous; yoga is good for you; William J. Broad is not the sharpest tool in the shed; and sexy stuff is cool.
1. Yoga has a history, and you should read all about it, but probably not in this book, which I didn’t spend very much time researching. Maybe try an actual scholarly work, like Yoga Body: The Origins of Modern Posture Practice, by Mark Singleton. Or this other book I act like I just discovered, called Yoga: A Scientific Evaluation, by Kovoor Behanan. By the way, people have always made crazy claims about the benefits of yoga! Also, Yoga Journal is stupid.
2. Yoga is not as aerobic a workout as is running. Here are some anecdotes and studies that fit my hypothesis.
3. Yoga has consistently been shown to alleviate depression, and to control anxiety and stress. It also seems to slow one’s metabolism. Therefore, yoga will make you fat, but your fat self will live for a long time.
4. Oh my gosh, this lady with an unknown preexisting condition totally died from doing Wheel! And one time I ruptured my own disk from repeatedly running on pavement so I was taking a yoga class to fix my back and I was talking to my friend on the next mat (because that’s good form) while I was coming into Side Angle Pose and I totally fucked up my back again. SIDE ANGLE POSE IS DANGEROUS! So is Cobra Pose (though it’s great for your libido) and so is Shoulderstand (though it’s great for your blood pressure). And one time this guy sat in Rock Pose for hours a day for months on end and ended up with a bad foot. And also here are some stories of some other people who hurt themselves. YOGA KILLS. EXCEPT FOR WHEN IT’S GOOD FOR YOU.
6. Also yoga is good for sex. Did you know some women can “think” themselves off?? I didn’t! Wow, orgasms are cool.
7. Yoga is an industry and some people make money off of it (like me) so no one’s motives can be trusted. To be on the safe side, why don’t you just go back to sitting on your couch.
– William J. Broad